Learning German can be exciting and rewarding, but let’s be honest: it can also be frustrating sometimes! You forget vocabulary you were sure you knew, get your der, die and das mixed up, or stare blankly at a German sentence wondering how on earth you’re supposed to understand it.
And that’s when negative self-talk can creep in.
You might tell yourself that you’re “just not good at languages”, that you’ll “never understand German grammar”, or that everyone else is progressing faster than you are. This is something I also struggle with, not when it comes to learning German, but at the gym I sometimes (often?) feel everybody is progressing faster. I wrote about it here Do as I say, not as I do!
The problem is that these thoughts can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you constantly tell yourself that you can’t learn German, you’re much more likely to lose motivation and give up when things get difficult.
So, how can you recognise negative self-talk and stop it before it takes over? Start by looking out for these five common types.
- Black and white thinking
“I always get German grammar wrong.”
“I never remember vocabulary.”
“I’m either good at German or I’m not.”
Words such as always, never, everything and nothing are warning signs that you might be thinking in black and white.
The reality is much more complicated. Perhaps you do sometimes get German grammar wrong – but that doesn’t mean you always get it wrong. Maybe you can’t remember every word you learn, but you probably remember plenty of them.
Instead of saying:
“I never remember German vocabulary.”
Try:
“I don’t remember this word yet, but I can learn it.”
That little word “yet” can make a big difference.
Here’s a little German example: In English we say “I’ve never spoken in a foreign language.” In German that sentence is “Ich habe noch nie in einer Fremdsprache gesprochen.” Noch nie – not yet (instead of never)!
Remember, learning German isn’t an all-or-nothing process. Every word, phrase and grammar rule you learn is another step forward.
2. Tunnel vision
Sometimes you can become so focused on what you can’t do that you completely overlook what you can do. Perhaps you’ve spent twenty minutes struggling with German word order and come away thinking:
“I’m terrible at German!”
But what about the things you can do?
Maybe you can introduce yourself in German. Maybe you can order food in a German restaurant. Maybe you understand the gist of a simple German conversation or recognise dozens of German words when you see them.
When negative thoughts appear, deliberately look for the positives.
Instead of:
“I can’t understand this German text.”
Try:
“I understood the first paragraph, and I recognised lots of words. I need to work on the words I don’t know yet.”
Don’t allow one difficult exercise to erase all the progress you’ve made.
You can read more here: Celebrate your German knowledge
3. The disaster plan
This is when your brain immediately jumps to the worst possible outcome. You make a mistake when speaking German and immediately think:
“I’m going to embarrass myself.”
You have an upcoming German test:
“I’m definitely going to fail.”
You’re planning a trip to Germany:
“What if I can’t understand anyone? What if nobody understands me?”
Of course, it’s sensible to prepare for situations that might be difficult. You can have a Plan B. You can practise useful phrases before your holiday or revise before a test.
But there’s a difference between being prepared and assuming everything will go wrong.
Instead of:
“I’m going to make a complete fool of myself when I speak German.”
Try:
“I might make some mistakes, but I can communicate what I need to say.”
And remember: making mistakes is a completely normal part of learning a language. In fact, mistakes are often how we learn. This is exactly what a former student of mine said. He was always happy when he made a mistake as it helped him learn.
4. Mind reading
Have you ever made a mistake in German and immediately assumed that the other person thought you were terrible at the language? Perhaps you forgot a word while speaking and thought:
“They must think I’m stupid.”
Or you pronounced something incorrectly and thought:
“They probably think my German is awful.”
But how do you actually know what the other person is thinking?
You don’t.
They might actually be impressed that you’re making the effort to speak German. They might not have noticed your mistake at all. Or perhaps they simply thought, “I understood what they meant.”
Try not to put thoughts into other people’s heads.
Instead of:
“They must think my German is terrible.”
Try:
“I made a mistake, but that’s part of learning.”
And if you’re speaking to a native German speaker, remember that they’re probably not expecting you to speak perfect German. Most people appreciate the effort it takes to communicate in another language.
5. The guilty conscience
“I should know this by now.”
This is a particularly common form of negative self-talk for language learners.
You learned a German word six months ago and have forgotten it.
You studied German cases last year but still get them confused.
You used to know how to conjugate a particular verb, but now you can’t remember.
And suddenly you’re telling yourself:
“I’ve been learning German for ages. I should be much better than this!”
Stop right there.
Forgetting something you learned previously doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It simply means you need to revisit it.
Language learning isn’t a straight line. You’ll learn something, forget some of it, review it, remember it again, and then perhaps forget it once more. That’s normal.
Instead of:
“I can’t believe I’ve forgotten this. I’m so bad at German.”
Try:
“I’ve forgotten this, so I need to practise it again.”
Think about how much you’ve learned since you started. Look back at something you wrote or understood several months or years ago. You may be surprised by how far you’ve come. You can read more in this post I wrote a few years ago How to enjoy what you have learned
Give yourself a break
Learning German is a journey, and there will inevitably be days when things seem easy and days when they seem incredibly difficult.
You’ll forget vocabulary. You’ll make grammar mistakes. You’ll confuse der, die and das. You’ll occasionally stare at a German sentence and wonder whether you’ve forgotten how to read!
That doesn’t mean you’re failing.
When you catch yourself using negative self-talk, stop and challenge the thought. Ask yourself:
Is this really true?
Am I focusing only on the negative?
Would I say this to another German learner?
What is a more helpful way of looking at this?
Be patient with yourself. Celebrate the small victories. Remember what you can do rather than focusing entirely on what you can’t do yet.
Most importantly, don’t let a difficult day of German convince you that you can’t learn the language.
You can. Keep going, keep practising, and keep reminding yourself just how far you’ve already come.
And if you need help, message me
